Struggles of Single Muslim Woman

Being a single working mother, I have my battles set out for me. From the moment I wake up, till the time I get back into my bed, every day is a roller coaster. Intensity fluctuates of course, but life is interesting at all times. And all of it is not negative, of course not.
Being on my own, has taught me a lot of survival instincts, which as per my observation married or provided for ladies don’t experience or need. NO matter how much I value my independence, this is one thing I envy in women who have their men providing for them. It is something I miss, it is something I believe every woman misses. Some of us might not confess this even to ourselves. Because the notion of this “independence” has clouded our judgments. We have conveniently accepted that we make so many sacrifices on a daily basis for the sake of this independence. Now don’t take me wrong, it is supremely wonderful to be self-sufficient, there is nothing that comes close to this in terms of self-gratification. But everything does come with a price. And especially this, comes with a huge price.
Women, working to provide for their families, face a lot of challenges, single women, divorced or otherwise, face bigger challenges.
One of those challenges is, “who to believe”. A woman gets propositioned a lot. We all know that. Some of us would like to ignore it and many of us would like to deny this, but we do get propositioned all the time. That is not so terrible. What makes this whole thing really horrific is, that men mostly approach women with impure intentions. Some are upfront about it, some play a long repetitive game for it. But most men have ulterior motives behind approaching women. Especially vulnerable women. All blame doesn’t lie with men. Women enable such men. Yes we do. We encourage compliments, even if they are sleazy. It’s a battlefield out there and we are playing dirty. Wittingly or unwittingly we have become a part of the demand and supply.
What is to be done? When a man comes with his proposition to a woman, he is very clear, that he cannot commit to her, for so many reasons. And the woman accepts it, may be because she is too lonely or too hopeful that she will eventually change his mind. Sometimes, women also initiate this episode.
No matter how the characters are set out, the end result of 99% of such arrangements is disastrous. Now the question is, why are we moving so rapidly towards this moral decline. We can blame the media and so many other social evils. Yes, we can and we should. But how about the personal moral ethic? Personal moral responsibility?
If a man likes a woman, why can’t he have the moral courage to make the relationship legitimate? Why does he enter into a woman’s life, disturbs her decorum only for things to end in disaster? Why can’t he sit down and plan it in a way that makes things morally justifiable? How is this worse than having an affair? Why are men not men enough to announce that they have fallen in love with someone and they are going to provide them the protection of social acceptance?
There are so many reasons for that and 50% of those reasons are caused by other women. Isn’t it ironic? The first opposition that a divorced or widowed woman will ever face, is undisputedly from the man’s mother, his sisters, may be even his neighborly aunties. They will all gather around him and tell him, “haey, you are so handsome, you are a man, and you can get a 20 year old unwed girl. Why do you want to destroy your life after her?” EVEN if the man is already married. The attitude will not be very different. I have recently come across a story of a widowed man with 4 kids, who refused to marry a woman with kids, and he ended up marrying a never married, young beautiful girl who now packs his lunches and takes care of his children.
There is a bigger chance of a wife forgiving her man for cheating on her, but she will most definitely not forgive him for marrying another woman. How twisted is this?
We as a Muslim society are so far away from the Sunnahs of the Holy Prophet, it is scary. In the past half century or so, we have unintentionally adopted the rules of Hinduism and Christianity. I am not saying that every man should marry twice or more. But who has written the book that if you have fallen in love then you can’t marry the second time? Or if you are able and stable enough, you can’t provide for another woman? Does that not make you a better human being, a better Muslim and a better man? Is this not better than lusting after someone and committing a moral crime?
The ratio between Muslim men and women is 1:3, that means to every man there are three women alive. This is one of the scariest things if you think about it. A believer who knows something about the signs of the end of times, we will have this ratio decline to 1:10
These are sad facts. And what we are doing as an educated, well informed society? Absolutely nothing.
A real man doesn’t play games to get momentary pleasures. The true measure of a Muslim man is, that when he likes a woman, he makes it a point that he provides that woman his protection. That is the only one up that Allah has given him over a woman. Our society lacks such men, and sadly the women of our society are responsible for widening this gap.