Nashia Ahmed
In the recent times, where the world has progressed so much and is living in 21st Century, Pakistanis and their mentalities are still stuck back in the 18th century. In a country where people are killed for being a threat or disgrace to Islam, women are denied their basic rights in the name of religion and females are killed, murdered and assassinated in the name of honor , It is ironic how we completely forget Islam and it’s teachings regarding the will and consent of the children for their marriage and their rights to choose life partners for themselves.
The issue of forced marriages has become an immensely contentious one in our society. Unfortunately, if a Muslim is involved in such matters it has become the norm to assume that Islam must thus condone such actions. Marriage within Islam is not only a civil contract but a religious and spiritual agreement- which must be entered into freely and with mutual consent. According to Islamic custom, parents and guardians have specific rights in this matter that is, to arrange the marriage ceremony and conduct it as a respectful family event, or give their advice and recommendation for a life partner to their children. However, Islam does not allow parents, guardians or other relatives to impose their will or choice on a boy or a girl, since it is they who are the real parties to that contract. The right to exercise free will and consent in choosing a spouse is a God given right to every Muslim.
Here I would like to report an incident from the life of Holy Prophet (PBUH), A young girl once came before the Holy Prophet (SAWW) perplexed and anxious and exclaimed: “O Messenger of Allah. . . From the hand of this father…”
“But what has your father done to you”, the Prophet (SAWW) asked.
“He has a nephew”, she replied, “and he has given me in marriage to him before consulting me in the matter”.
“Now that he has done it,” said the Prophet (SAWW), “you should not oppose it. Agree to it, and be your cousin’s wife.”
“O Messenger of Allah! I do not like my cousin. How can I be the wife of a man whom I do not like?”
“If you do not like him than that is an end to the matter. You have full authority. Go and make the choice of man whom you would like to marry.”
It is clearly evident from this that the likeness of the person is equally important as the obedience of the parents. When parents and children are equally responsible and invested in this relation then why are children the only one obliged towards the happiness of their parents. One problem can be the root of many other problems and similarly this forced marriage can be the cause of unhappy married life, marital rape, divorces and in extreme cases suicides.
It is said in Quran “There is no compulsion in religion” [al-Baqarah 2:256],
If there is no compulsion in the most important of matters, then it does even more deserve that no person be compelled by another in matters which are of lesser importance, such as marriage. Lastly, apart from having proven this from the aspect of Islam that it is not permissible for parents to impose their decisions on their children. Why isn’t the happiness of our children and their choice to marry not important enough for us?
The point is not to leave your children at liberty to do whatever with whomever, but only to consider the consent and happiness of offspring in the matter of marriage. The evident factors of generation and communication gap should be addressed by the parents when they decide to choose someone for their daughters. Imposition of choice definitely may lead to rift and discordance between the parents and children. This unwarranted discordance can be avoided with a little wisdom and sagacious negotiations. These forceful marriages have a number of unpleasant and destructive results like the individuals being tied up in having an unhappy life. This unhappiness will exist despite their efforts to reconcile themselves with the unwanted partners and unwanted marriage.. In addition to this the children end up blaming their parents, sometimes at the sub conscious level. This blame game renders them dissatisfied and makes them incapable of doing anything fruitful in their life ahead. Though happiness in marriage is totally a matter of chance yet it is parents’ obligation to try to solicit it for their children. If perceived on a larger scale the issue of forced marriage can thwart the future of forthcoming generations as well. When the building block of a building is unstable the entire building is in the danger of being fallen down. Forced marriages is a matter of grave concern for the members of this vulnerable society and should be looked at with great concern and zeal to nip this evil in totality.
